Weimar 2.0 Draft: White Germans as Meat Shields for Rainbow Rot
Germany’s Stern magazine just unleashed a pro-war propaganda screed so unhinged it’d make a madman jealous. They’re demanding German kids—sorry, “youths”—get conscripted into the army to “defend diversity.” You heard that right: grab a gun and croak in a trench so some pretentious Berlin hipster can keep slurping ramen and drooling over LGBT art installations. Welcome to the “New Germany,” where the circus never ends.
The piece, titled “Others no longer defend us? Then we must do it ourselves!”—because Uncle Sam’s apparently done playing nanny—is scribbled by some crusty lefty named Tilman Gerwien. This dude’s way past draft age, so he’s safe from the bullets. Convenient, huh? He’s moaning that Germany’s “dollhouse Bullerbü days” are toast and it’s time to “grow up.” In other words: quit being peacenik wusses and start marching to war. He trashes the old lefty protests—back when they’d skip around chanting “Out of NATO, into fun!”—and says that flower-power nonsense is over. Bet Gerwien’s old enough to have toked up at those rallies himself, but now he’s cool with your kids bleeding out. Hypocrisy’s a hell of a buzz.
This is the new German left: once Green Party granola-munchers begging NATO to scram, now slobbering war hawks since Putin hit Ukraine. With Trump back in the saddle, they’re losing their minds, linking arms with the CDU to turn Germany into a diversity fortress with guns. Problem is, nobody’s buying this crap. The “New Germany” they’re shilling—a multicultural dumpster fire that spits on its own roots—ain’t got the conservative kids lining up to die for it. The elite might even enjoy shipping those AfD-voting “problem” teens to the front. Two birds, one stone, right? Meanwhile, the lefty brats are too busy guzzling oat milk and crying about pronouns to load a clip. Stern’s clique might love the idea of soldiers dying for their poetry slams, but they’re not about to trade their lattes for rifles.
So who’s fighting? Stern’s got the fix: force ‘em. Conscription’s the game—round up the kids like it’s some dystopian flick and shove ‘em into the Bundeswehr. Gerwien waxes poetic: “They’ll be all of us… our children and grandchildren will have to take up arms at some point.” How touching. But what’s worth dying for? Not the flag, not the “German people,” not some outdated “hearth and home” garbage. Nope, it’s “freedom and diversity”—think Brazilian drag queens and African book readings while the government bans the AfD (now at 23.5% in polls) for wrongthink. Freedom’s when you lock up the dissenters and call it progress, baby.
Stern admits their fragmented woke utopia’s a tough sell for dying in the mud. Their solution? More “heroism,” less “hedonism.” Quit being selfish snowflakes and salute the rainbow flag. But don’t get too attached to Germany itself—loving your country might stir up some “bad vibes.” They want iPhone-addicted soyboys dying for multiculturalism, not anything that’d accidentally make sense. Oh, and they’re damn sure these kids will die, casually tossing out that they’ll “have to take up arms at some point.” Sweet dreams, parents.
The blowback’s savage. X is a warzone of pissed-off Germans torching this drivel. “Why fight for a country you can’t even be proud of?” one guy fires off. Another’s done: “You won’t get my kids, you miserable indoctrinators and arms-pushing scum!” A Forsa poll says only 17% of Germans would even think about dying for this trainwreck—and how many of those are geezers or chicks who’d never have to? Stern’s cover—two White kids, zero diversity—makes it laughable. Where’s the token Black guy or hijab girl? Guess when the bullets fly, it’s the White boys they want on the line, not the DEI mascots.
Stern drags in some military historian, Sönke Neitzel, barking, “What are we waiting for? 100% approval?” Nah, bro, how about 20%? This is pure fantasy—dreaming up armies that’ll never show. Germany’s dumping billions into jets and tanks, but good luck finding suckers to ride ‘em. One X user nails it: “No—don’t fight! And don’t buy that state propaganda rag either.” Stern’s diversity-warrior pipe dream is dead on arrival, and the kids they’re trying to draft are giving them the middle finger.
