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Is it correct to say that you have gone from a dedicated Antifa member to a convinced race realist?
Yes, although I’m not sure the term “member” is the appropriate term. “Adherent” is a better term.
From what age until what age were you active in Antifa, and what years were these?
I participated in Antifa and related activities from the ages of about 17 to 22 or 23, during the early- to mid-’00s.
Please describe your background, upbringing, and education.
I was reared in a middle-class family that struggled at first, but I never went hungry. Throughout my childhood and young adulthood, I had very little guidance from my parents, whose philosophy seemed to be only to facilitate whatever their child wanted, so long as it was not physically harmful. This permissiveness included my Antifa activities and subsequent arrest.
My father is Catholic and my mother is Jewish. I was reared Jewish but rejected that religion/culture at a very early age and became an atheist. I wrote an article for Occidental Observer that goes into more detail.
I was a shy and sensitive child, and without proper guidance from my parents, I developed some problems I am still working through today. I always had an innate sense that society was deeply unfair; this riled me endlessly. I felt unabating anger about societal ills, which I can now look back on as a symptom of an illness I contracted as a child that caused emotional issues and that wasn’t diagnosed until recently.
In high school and college, most of my passion was for second-wave feminism. I was the person you didn’t want to be around at a party, because I would police every joke for political correctness. I would not use words such as “lame” or “retard” because I felt they were offensive in an unintended way.
In that respect, I was far ahead of my time, but I never accepted the transgender thing. I am proud to have been a “transphobe” for decades.
I attended a standard four-year liberal arts college, but I was not molded there. It only reinforced what I already believed through reading, research, and online exchanges.
What was your political orientation when you joined Antifa, and what attracted you to it?
I was then and continue to be a registered Independent, but back then I voted strictly Democrat, and occasionally Green or Libertarian.
Because I didn’t know enough about those political philosophies, unlike most people I knew, I didn’t profess allegiance to any variety of either communism or anarchism. I was just angry, and devoutly egalitarian. I knew I was unhappy with the status quo, but I hadn’t found a firm political belief. It was difficult for me, because I blamed everyone for what bothered me about the world, including myself.
I did not, nor did anyone, “join” Antifa, at least as far as I know. Antifa actions were very loosely coordinated, and in the United States at the time they were called Anti-Racist Action (ARA) or Anti-Fascist Action (AFA). “Antifa” is the European term for the same kind of activism.
I was loosely affiliated with both ARA/AFA and Crimethinc. All those groups are basically open to whomever wants to opt-in at a moment’s notice.
How did you make contact?
Antifa and similar groups were largely entangled with the punk subculture, and I’m sure that’s still the case, though perhaps not to the same degree.
A good recent example would be “Moldylocks” who was punched on video at a protest. I could tell by looking at her that she was part of the crust punk community, who are mostly young white, often Jewish, people who appreciate a certain kind of music and live a filthy and subversive (or so they believe) lifestyle. While many punks and crust punks come from well-to-do families, they do such things as train hopping, panhandling/busking, shoplifting, and dumpster diving, and some are even voluntarily homeless.
Most of the people who participated in actions such as black bloc were people I already knew from the punk scene. Information about opportunities for activism would be casually spread through flyers, word of mouth, or on the internet. There was little vetting necessary since few complete strangers showed up. When they did, they might be asked questions or given a wide berth, but I had experience with that only once (see below) and it was not eventful.
Back in the ’00s, our actions seemed more politically legitimate. We had “warmonger” George W. Bush in office, and I went to several protests against the Iraq war, some in black bloc. Antifa was also well known for protesting against capitalism. In 1999, American Antifa cut its teeth, so to speak, on the “Battle of Seattle” protest against the World Trade Organization. The popular 2002 punk song, “Baby, I’m an Anarchist,” refers to that event, and its refrain, “Baby, I’m an anarchist, You’re a spineless liberal,” catches the spirit.
Does Antifa try to recruit, or does it just wait for people to approach?
In my experience, most of the active members are already friends or comrades involved in social activities as I noted above. As Antifa and its actions “expanded,” and with the increasing popularity of social media, there may be more newcomers, but I doubt anyone is actively recruited except by seeing a publicly posted flyer. There will be no problem with newcomers, so long as they don’t act strangely.
Is it possible to describe Antifa’s political philosophy? Are there any foundational texts members are advised (or made) to read?
The people in Antifa are all super far left. Other than that, they may adhere to different types of anarchism or communism. I seemed to know a lot “Anarcho-Syndicalists” during my time, although I couldn’t tell you what they are supposed to think. In those days, many of the antifa types I knew were involved with NEFAC (North-Eastern Federation of Anarcho-Communists).
There’s no single political philosophy, and I doubt most Antifa read more than the Communist Manifesto, if that. That said, where you have dedicated anarchists and communists, there you will certainly find Antifa. When it comes to Antifa actions, it’s more like they are united against a common enemy than because they support a common political system.
Some of my favorite ideologues during my backwards years were Ward Churchill and Derrick Jensen. I suppose I leaned towards anti-civilizationism (END CIV) and anarcho-primitivism.
What kind of world does Antifa want? In what kind of society would it be conservative? Is there a historical model it thinks points the way?
I’m not sure even they know. They just hate everything that is white and Western. If you were to ask them, they’d probably provide a myriad of schizophrenic answers. But one thing is certain: They would all say, “Not this!” They do want to destroy society as we know it — of course not in a way that seems logical to a sane person, but their goal, I suppose, would be to eradicate power and privilege. They despise hierarchy of any kind (especially, in my opinion, where it might be legitimate!)
What were the things you did as a member?
My view is that protesting is mainly about venting and making yourself feel better — the sense that you’re doing something. I had that attitude even then, knowing that I and my friends were trying to alleviate “white guilt” by protesting.
Others were definitely more die-hard than I was. I never broke anything or injured anyone. I never even yelled at anyone. I was just there, going along with the rest of the black bloc.
Antifa are like children throwing a tantrum. All they want is to go out and misbehave, destroy things, and scare people. They want to tell others, “You’re not safe to exist in this space. You’re not welcome to exist in our world.”
Were there ever people who seemed to be spies or infiltrators?
The only time I knew of someone being seen as suspect was during a social event for the similarly minded. A guy showed up whom no one knew, and he seemed to ask too many questions. As a result, word was whispered from person to person not to tell that guy, who was thought to be a fed, the next location for an event (locations were often kept secret to avoid disruption). And at the end of the night, he left and I never saw him again.
What role does violence play in Antifa thinking?
Antifa loves violence. In my view, the entire purpose of Antifa is an excuse for violence, with mottos such as “Smash the System” and “Fuck Shit Up!” These kids want to go out and destroy, vandalize, and injure. There was never once a mentality of “Let’s not hurt anyone.” It was more like, “Don’t get caught if you hurt someone. Here, I’ve brought some heavy wrenches from home.”
Do Antifa take firearms and martial arts training?
On the average, no, but, I knew some Antifa or Antifa-adjacent types who did. Largely, I think not.
What were your fellow Antifa like, personally? From the outside, they seem to be warped, botched people, but presumably not all are. They appear to be overwhelmingly white.
By and large, Antifa is comprised of “alternative” types — usually punk-adjacent at least, definitely sub-cultural at minimum. So yes, plenty of piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair colors/styles! I would say the breakdown of the sexes was about 50/50, maybe a few more males. Alcohol was the drug of choice in those days — I have a feeling weed may have overtaken it by now, but I could be wrong. I knew at least one guy who died of a heroin overdose. I never participated in any drug taking or even observed it first hand, but I’m sure it was common.
Believe it or not, at the time, most of the people I knew were monogamous. While some people might have been in open relationships, it didn’t seem to be the norm. Of course, they would never have frowned on anyone who was polyamorous.
As far as background, everyone’s story was different. Some came from perfectly normal-seeming households, while many participants’ parents were divorced. I knew a few who had really traumatic family environments. Many were affluent and still lived with permissive parents.
There is a disproportionate number of Jews in Antifa, and I guess I was one of them, but in my experience, they were a minority. However, in that context, a certain person and organization come to mind. The National Lawyers Guild (NLG) gives legal assistance to people involved in “mass action,” though exclusively their kind of “mass action.”
When I was arrested as part of an Antifa activity, a Jewish lawyer from the NLG was involved in planning. This was a meeting a day or two before, at which people discussed what kinds of weapons to bring, where to park, where to meet, etc. The lawyer put his blessing on the action. He also came to “observe” and give legal aid. We all wrote his phone number on our arms before going in.
This was not a protest — it was an assault. The plan was to intercept and beat up a busload of National Alliance members on their way to a peaceful anti-Israel protest in Washington, DC. Part of our group arrived first (it included several 90-lb girls), approached their bus, and attacked them. No one was seriously hurt, but there was some bruising and bleeding. By the time I arrived with a larger group, the police were already there, and they arrested us all — even though my group had not done anything. The NLG lawyer was one of those arrested.
I was facing serious charges that amounted to over 30 years in prison, but due to a lack of evidence, the charges were dropped. I am truly sorry for being part of that action, and I apologize personally to anyone we victimized that morning.
What is Antifa attitude towards race per se? Does Antifa wish it had more non-whites?
I’m willing to bet Antifa deeply wishes it had more non-whites. I did know a few, but there were not many. Antifa hates whites and whiteness as much as it hates the United States, colonialism, and anything that can be remotely construed as hurting minorities.
Perhaps to seem less objectionable by their own standards, you see a lot of female mouthpieces for Leftists groups. White men are told to sit down and shut up, and they gleefully obey. We didn’t talk much about Jews, although the specter of the Third Reich was often used as a battering ram against any and all opposition.
I think that Antifa’s preoccupation with race actually prepared me later to accept being a “racist.” The race angle was never my passion, but I sometimes had to use race in order to get attention for issues I cared about. It annoyed me to have to pretend to care more about race than I did, and at the time I was involved, Antifa’s true focus was on class. It protested big corporations and globalist institutions. Today, it just seems to be nuts, with no rudder at all.
Was Antifa a cult, in the sense that it became more or less your entire world? Did it try to cut you off from your former life?
Yes and no. It was certainly chic, as I noted, to drop out of society and become homeless for example, but I don’t recall any pressure to do this. I never dropped out of society. I was very attached to bathing, but I wasn’t mocked for that. Okay, maybe a bit here and there.
Where did money come from? Do Antifa pay dues?
What money? There wasn’t any money, at least in my faction. When we were facing prison, we had to beg and plead for donations. The money came through local Indymedia or similar groups.
During my involvement, particularly with black bloc, I didn’t see much evidence of outside funding. We self-funded most of what we did, when it was more than just showing up wearing black. Things may be different now.
There are certainly Antifa-adjacent groups that raise money — nonprofits, the National Lawyers Guild, One People’s Project — and there are printshops and coffee houses that contribute money, but Antifa events don’t need funding, and I never heard of anyone being paid. I am speaking of the black bloc/true Antifa. I don’t know about the blue-haired freaks who scream in the streets.
Did you ever think that society/police/government looked the other way when Antifa demonstrated or broke laws; or did everyone think that the police were a relentless enemy that would give no quarter?
We hated cops — others far more so than I. I never screamed at, spit at, or cursed at a cop, but cop-hate was ubiquitous. Any time a cop did something, he was in the wrong. “Cop watch” was a thing — meaning, record any interaction you see with the police to make sure they don’t violate someone’s rights (which they do 24/7 according to these types).
I’m not sure they looked the other way, at least not back then. The point of black bloc, aside from being intimidating, is to make you difficult to identify and arrest/prosecute.
Can you think of characteristic Antifa terminology? Any words or phrases that would be uncommon outside of it?
Fuck shit up
Smash the system
Smash the state
Think globally, act locally
Bash the fash
Fash: fascists (anyone who even vaguely disagrees with Antifa)
Direct Action: This is a big one. It means violence and sabotaging things.
Boneheads: racist skinheads
Red & Black: colors of the anarcho-syndicalist flag. That also was the name of a coffee shop in Portland run by this crowd. Red Emma’s coffee shop in Baltimore, was named after Emma Goldman. It sells books as a legacy of Black Planet Books, a radical Baltimore book shop that closed in 2003.
Affinity Group: a small group of activists who trust each other
De-arrest: snatching someone back from the cops
Copwatch: What it sounds like
Liberal: People looked down on because they aren’t revolutionary enough
Above: Anarcho-Syndicalist flag
When I was looking around the internet trying to jog my memory about things, I found this list of “Top 9 Yiddish Antifa Anthems.” We didn’t sing any of them, but this is illuminating.
Why did you leave Antifa?
It’s not really something you leave or join — I just stopped participating. I graduated from college, began working and doing more important things. I left my friends and the punk subculture behind, and now they are too dangerous for me to associate with, given my current beliefs.
Have you kept in touch with any people you knew in Antifa, or was it a clean break?
I’ve kept in touch with a few over the years. I only speak with ones who have grown up. There are a few much closer to our side, but none as far as I am. However, the vast majority are almost exactly as they were 20+ years ago — only fatter.
Why did you become a race realist? Were the two processes in parallel? If not, what was your political thinking while and after you were leaving Antifa but were not yet race realist? And then, what brought you to race realism?
Let’s just say reality and passion do not mix well in a person like me. I wasn’t very political for a long time, I just got busy with real life, which involved doing a lot of charitable work in black areas. The rest of the story writes itself, or it has been written, rather, and published on AmRen. But it was two parts that and one part getting messages from odd associates who did not toe the line. Being called “racist” or “white supremacist” during my feminist years inured me to those words. I eventually said “fine, I’m racist. I don’t care anymore.”
Are there any ways in which Antifa is different now from when you were in it in?
The gender stuff is very new. Nobody was gender confused in my day. Gay? Sure. Not trans. I knew one trans person but it was a friend of a friend.
Antifa has lost any ideological unity it may have ever had. It just seems to lash out at everything now. There are no more quasi-respectable protests against big business, US involvement in wars, or globalist cabals. Antifa used to protest against neo-Nazis. Now, they harass people at prayer vigils, at anti-lockdown protests, basically trying to start trouble wherever people dare congregate who are not organized for their kind of cause.
Now, for them, everyone has become a Nazi.
Geist is a penname.
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